When S*&^ happens…

I’m not going to lie. There was a small part of me that thought I was not going to be able to cope with another child, and there still may be times that I can’t or will need a break. My current outlook however is one of moderately rested, chillaxed, poo covered relief.

I stayed in hospital the night I gave birth and another night, more so for protection of my sleepless mind and needing a break from my 1-year-old who came to visit and was swimming across the floor, running through the curtain in my room and banging the crib against the wall.


I was lucky to have a good support team at home who helped look after the crazy girl and help tidy the house; thanks Tayla. My sister and Mum were instrumental in helping with kids, food, transport, showers and the stupid things you take for granted like; hands over the next few days and lifetime hopefully. I sure learnt fast what it was like to have a 5 seater car with 2 car seats and 4 kids. I also fast learnt that carrying a baby, doing groceries with a toddler and trying to bag fruit was a definite NEVER. Front pack will always be in the car for moments like these.


Adjusting to the extra tike, getting into the swing of things, I really got into swinging things. While making Amalia’s dinner and juggling a baby I grabbed her bowl to fast and biffed it across the kitchen smashing it all over the floor, singing “It’s ok, ha ha ha what a mess, let’s clean this up”. I got this all together… Once the kids were to bed, I put the rubbish out. The recent bag I filled with the bits out of the fridge and freezer that I didn’t want to go smelly over the week. I accidentally missed last weeks rubbish so that went out too, along with the recycling and I was so PROUD of myself. Piece of cake this whole kid, cleaning, living stuff.. I got this.. and the next day when the rubbish was still there… I was so PROUD I was the only one on my street who was 6 days early with the rubbish. Hah! Who said this was going to be hard 🙂

Next thing you know… Baby starts getting a gunky eye. I’m freaking out it’s from Amalia poking his eyeball and he’s going to go blind, so I start drenching his face in breast milk.. Supposedly better than Nana’s Raleigh’s. I get woken the next morning by Ashton’s school asking me to pick up my child who was found sleeping on the bathroom floor. Excellent. I get my boy, sterilise him and segregate him downstairs, issuing him Marmite crackers and electrolytes and ban him from touching anything. Poor soul had the worst stomach bug, but I couldn’t take my chances getting myself or the kids sick. Finally it was Amalia’s turn to fever and grump while Tayla unexpectedly fainted at work.


So we’ve had sickness run rampant through the house but we got through it just fine. What we did have to watch out for, was Amalia loving the baby to death. Mostly death by accidentally trying to sit on his head. Sticking her fingers in his mouth, ears or eyes. Trying to drag him by the foot or worse… if he had his nappy off. You really had to watch that girl, which is precisely what I asked my sister while I changed his nappy. “Please don’t let her fall on his head” I warned her. “You had one job!” I screamed as I flipped Millie over on the bed as she sat/fell towards the babies face. “I didn’t think she would actually do it” Lauren said.

Next time Lauren was around I pretty much forced her to change babies nappy while I cooked us dinner. I was pissing myself as I stood in the kitchen listening to her moan and scream as he fart pooed at her with no nappy. I decided I better go help as Millie was standing there watching too. The whole nappy was full and he was still going. It was spilling everywhere and don’t ask but I ended up with handfuls of poo. Literally. It wasn’t funny until he then started peeing and I had no more hands, Millie started screaming as it aimed towards her, I’m literally lying on the floor pissing myself laughing too while Millie kisses me, I’m holding poo so I can’t do anything and Lauren is screaming holding the pooey nappy and we are witnessing Niagra Falls.


This week I have been farted on more than I care to recall, pooed on, spewed on, scraped food off the floor, had to express milk direct into a sandwich bag, forgotten which kids were born on which birthdays, forgotten I had a new baby, forgotten Amalia was at crèche and been looking for her, had nightmares about people stealing my baby, forgotten to take kids to appointments and been surprisingly happy and content.

I have also come up with some pretty good ideas for dealing with life in this household. Like having a list of dinners that everyone eats so I don’t have to think what to cook and lunchbox ideas, showering me and the babies all together instead of showers and baths, just wearing underwear if I’m home alone to save on mammoth washing loads and learnt NEVER to make the mistake of removing the nappy thinking the poo has stopped.

On Monday Ashton had midterm break and Amalia had crèche, so this was a good day for some one on one time with Master 11 and the 11 day old tag along. I told Ash to check out what movies were on and we could be back in time for creche end. We ended up at The Black Panther! What a fantastic movie! Well the first part anyway. I totally underestimated how cruisey it would be with baby. I was sitting in my seat when I felt warm and wet in my crotch… I didn’t think it was me… Babies first leakage… took care of that, thankfully before lights dimmed and then for the first time ever he decides to be grizzly, so the whole time was a mix of; feed, burp, swing, burp, pat, move, feed. Until it was time to leave.. not because the movie actually finished, or trying to escape before angry people hunted me down for the squawking, but because kids.. Pick up time for creche. Now I have no idea how the movie ends, I look like I’ve pee’d my pants walking back through the mall and the guys that are paid to get your attention for something were chasing me trying to explain their cause (which they also did on the way in) and I feel sooo guilty having to blow them off without even listening..

But we were going to be late otherwise and now I have more kids I don’t want to miss a beat and have people think I can’t look after them. Like the lady at the kids first Lantern Festival who said “Look she’s even got one strapped to her chest”, like it’s not normal to wear a baby, push a pram and walk with your adult kid, Mum, Sister and any other possible straggling kids that may have appeared to be mine too. On that note.. One festival is enough for a few years. That was insane to manuever with a pram!!

Anyway it’s taken me 3 days now to write what normally takes me 1 hour. I will blame the census for making me fill in papers for all the kids but it’s also due to settling babies, writing references, eating biscuits and trying to wash extra sheets that have been peed on.


Just a quick note too to say a massive thank you to Renie Jackson for her amazing pregnancy shoot and post – partum new-born shoot. Aren’t these photos amazing?? It’s funny because when I exit the house I look nothing like this wearing a singlet and shorts with my hair in a knot, but it is so nice of her to capture these moments. I need them to remind me how much I love my kids when s*&^ happens.

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