First blog post
You may remember me from previous blogs such as “Caught squatting behind my car…?”, “WFF/Nabba Nationals – The perfect end to an era”, “God always catches me with my pants down”, “My internet dating” and “What’s not funny about a blown tyre, sand in my butt and a swahili tan?”.
Or – You may not know me from a bar of soap. It doesn’t really matter anyway as things have completely changed in the last few years. Since competing at National level as a body builder and boxer with one child, battling an eating disorder and a life of crazy, I decided to give up blogging because; I created a business that was doing really well, faced my demons and won, I met a man who had a daughter and we moved in together.
I was studying, had done so much personal development and well, who really wants to read about how great someones life is??? There’s only so many, “Today was fabulous, we did this and that” and “I’m so happy’s” one person can take before wanting to stick a sock in it and ask “tell me how happy you are now!!”. So I quit blogging. I focused on my family, my health and my business.
Then…. I lost it all!!
So, what better reason, than for some super therapy in humour and to share the joys and sorrows with people you know and have never met yet, to start blogging again?
Today, I am here, a single mother of 3 children who reside with me. A 15 year old beautiful step daughter, an 11 year old boy/man, a 11 month old crazy girl child and 22 weeks pregnant with a baby. I’m not sure what kind of baby it is yet, and have decided I don’t need to until it arrives!!
I have no business, other than the ones I’m trying to start. I am studying Horticulture -dirt… Why? I don’t even like to touch it, but I committed because OUR (ex and I) future plan was to buy land and grow our own food. I just started courses in NLP, Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching, because I don’t already have enough going on between supervsing my daughter learning how not to die and with work of kinds. I live with my sister, because who can afford to live alone these days? Most days I wear active wear, even though finding time to train is like harder than finding food in the cupboard.
A few months ago when my partner and I broke up, I couldn’t get off the couch and I never changed from my pajama’s until at least 3pm. I couldn’t imagine ever having the passion or motivation to take on a hobby or goal. Nothing made me happy or excited. I searched for answers. I didn’t want to leave the house. I wanted to yell and scream at my ex and at the same time I wanted him to want to be with me. I was broken. Devastated. Not knowing who to talk to, who would understand, what to do. I realised I was on my own again. No one to help me or to take some of the pressure off.
How would I survive? How do I look after my children when I’m not okay? What the heck am I going to do?
Don’t worry. I’ll figure it out tomorrow. It’s 3pm. Time to get dressed, make dinner and go to bed. This was my life, for a little while.
I grieved, I angered, I cried alot, I was jealous, scared, angry some more, understanding, upset, curious, confused, lethergic (I was in my first trimester too), BUT I never gave up hope. Hope that things would work out okay. And they do.
So sorry for the depressing background but I hope some of you might relate to those feelings or understand where I was at then. In the coming blogs I have no idea what is going to come out or up but I hope to inspire you, create hope and optimisism, make you laugh and challenge your thinking.
I have no idea who I am anymore, I know who I was and I have an idea of who I want to be. Today, I’m a Mum who just had 8 kids for the last few days for my son’s birthday and is worrying about finances for next months birthday and then Christmas. Today I’m a student with a pile of dirt sitting on my desk I think has a worm in it and a pile of diseased leaves I really should do something about. Today I’m also fulfilling my promise to get my blog started so I can start connecting with the world again.
So hi! Hopefully you know a bit about me now and we can start from here. 🙂
Feel free to message me, get in touch or ask questions, I promise to be as open as possible.